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General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Today, 02:11 PM	? #1 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 234	When I 1st started dating my GF 8 month ago, I felt so confident about myself, it seemed like no other men existed, at least in her eyes. Over time my insecurities and jealousy has gotten out of control and I dont know how to stop these feelings and its really affecting our relationship. She always tells me how much she loves me and is attracted to me, writes me love notes all the time and even buys me flowers sometimes. we are always grabbing eachother and making out, and we have great sex whenever possible. she says she wants to have kids with me and marry me someday. Im usually a very discipled person about most things in my life, and Ive always been very independent, and I dont scare easily either, but I love this woman and her daughter so much the thought of her being with or wanting another man is terrifying to me. Its gotten to the point I cant be happy cause even a guy liking a harmless picture on her FB drives me into a jealous frenzy, WTF is wrong with me? I think what has me so wound up is some of the interactions she has had with her daughters father who she was on/off with for 5 years up until summer before last, nothing too awful just ambiguous flirting and txting pictures of their daughter and stuff. she also told him we broke up after a fight we had back in june, shes said she thought we did and was just confiding in him. I told her Im not comfortable with her having that kind of relationship with but she swears shes not interested in him but I still always feel like Im competing with him. I cant even go with her to pick her daughter up from his house, cause I cant stand the sight of him near her. I also found out recently she friended and inboxed an old BF she said treated her very badly, again nothing bad just "hey whats up" kinda stuff and it was just one conversation back in july right before we moved in together but it really hurts that she would do that, she apologized but I just cant get past it and I feel like I cant trust her or really take her seriously about how much she says she loves me. Whever I try to talk to her about my fears it turns into a huge fight. This is taking over my life, affecting my work and hobbies, but most of all its killing this otherwise beautiful relationship. I wish I could be more secure because I feel like my jealousy an insecurity will eventually drive her away or worse, into the arms of another man, but I just dont know how to control it. Any help is much appreciated.
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Today, 02:30 PM	? #2 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 4,561	Jealousy is an exceptionally valid emotion to have. As long as you?re having it for the right reasons. From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy: Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust. There are some that really believe others have no effect on how they feel. That another person cannot ?make? them feel happy, sad, joyful, angry, disappointed etc. Well guess what, they can. It is your girlfriend?s activities that are literally making you feel jealous and experience the emotions above. Because in spite of what she tells you, what she actually does, her actions tell you something quite the opposite. Does she deliberately make you jealous? The only way you?ll find out what?s really going on is by spying on her. Jealousy can be seen as a "warning emotion". It's warning you something is very wrong somewhere, you'd be best to heed its warning.
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Today, 04:25 PM	? #8 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 234	Quote: Hello, I can understand that you are having some jealousy , but I don't understand how it is touching her daughter's relationship with her dad... You are in love with her and jealousy is often part of the deal, but tell me why it is affecting your daughter in law as well... Well I take care of this little girl everyday, I get her ready for school and put her to bed every night, I treat as if she was my own. he doesnt care much about her IMO and he doesnt pay much CS because she says if she takes him back to court hell get more visitation, she has to chase him down for the little he pays but he drives a brand new BMW. When hes with his daughter, he doesnt do much with her and smokes pot and plays video games in front of her , yet she thinks hes great. I cant stand him! when I 1st met her I asked her specifically what his roll in her life was, and she told me he wasnt too involved with her daughter, just had visitation 2 days a month and she really didnt see or talk to him much. That seemed to be the case in the beginning and I though I could live with it, then over time he seemed to pop up more and more. Ive been round and round with her about it and she insists she doesnt care about him and loves me, so I guess I have to learn to live with it if I wanna be with her, cause its starting to upset her alot. I just wanna know how to control my jealousy, its taking over my life.
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